I'm a Wolf in Wolf's clothing...

  I really don't care what people think of me, is that bad? .... Is it bad to be yourself?  No it's not.  So I find it incredibly humorous when I notice other individuals be fake.  I know how to read people.  Body language, voice tone, eye contact...etc.  I mean I can tell when a conversation feels forced.  If you don't feel like speaking, don't speak.  Or if you do decide to speak keep it short and full of closed ended responses.  Folks will respect you more for it.  When you can't look me in the eyes, I own you. One of my bro's always laughs at me when we go out, because I'm so straight forward with women.  I mean I have no game, I don't need to spit game to get a woman's attention.  I'm just myself.  I know how to have a good time, and how to let a good time be had.  Another thing about me is that I know a lot but say nothing.  I know the stupid gossip because its told to me(I don't ask, folks just feel the need to tell me), I know the dumb secrets-blah blah blah.  I'll put people on the spot with that info.  I like doing that because it allows me to see who they "really" are.  I'm 100% non judgemental and I believe that's why dudes, and chicks open up to me.  I don't fluff you up in order to get your guard down.  Sh!t I want your guard up, it's more entertaining that way.  I'm a wolf in wolf's clothing.  If you do fall prey it's because "you" also allowed it to happen.  I don't pey on the weak.  Just because I don't have something on my arm when I leave the bar/club, doesn't mean I go after "whatever"....that's just gross.  Just because I can, doesn't mean I will. You get what you see with me and the true friends I have see that.  They'll take a bullet for me because they know I'd do the same.

On a Monday afternoon....

It feels good to have a day off.  I tried to sleep in but my internal clock kicked in at about 6am.   The birds singing their joyful songs outside my bedroom window didn't help either.  I turned over on to my side to ignore them, but the warm rays of the sun began to sneak into my bedroom and they seduced me into waking up.  Well after that it was time for my morning routine... Stretch, some pushups(don't want to get too big and look like a meat head, I like the way my clothes looks on me-LOL), brushing and flossing of the teeth and a shave(if needed, and mmmmaybe some manscaping).  Some coffee with a dash of cinnamon, leche and sugar to aide me in what's to come.  A day to ME...finally.   I swaggered over to my drafting table, took a look at my army of prisma color markers and then drew a blank.......  damn.   So many things I can do with this beautiful mind of mine, and I'm drawing a blank.  What to do, what to do.  I looked over at some sugar skulls(day of the dead) I have on display and figured, sure why not.  But then after just 5minutes I lost interest-too easy.  I needed to challenge myself.  I began to think of women-nude women; oooo yeah that got the creative juices flowing.  The scent of a woman's neck right below her ear lobe.  The sexy sexy fold her leg makes at the hip.  The arch of her back when I take her from behind.  The sheen that her skin gives off after an orgasmic event.  The intoxicating sound of her voice sending shockwaves through my body... Yes the woman does inspire.   A couple of sketches later I had some awesome ideas to follow up on.  My mind always seems to go wicked, before it goes nice.   So I took a break and decided to get all oily; so I changed the brakes on my truck as I listened to the latest album by Mana.... time flies when your having fun.  The sun began its decent from the heavens and the night sky was upon me.  I just laid there on my back staring up at the stars and the visible planets.  Orion and Leo are clearly visible this time of year.  The heavens fascinate me and remind me that ANYTHING is possible. I enjoy ME time, getting lost in my mind is fun.  After a shower in orange scrub, I was squeaky clean and ready for more art.  I got my pasta maker out and started to cure some clay I'm getting ready for sculpting.  But then my AD_D kicked in and I jumped on my Mac and started working on photoshop- damn I need a game plan. I have too many ideas and things I want to do, but I gots to buckle down and focus on ONE......  My Monday was a ME Monday.  I'm lucky to have had one.  Many folks dont try for ME.

When did your heart go missing?

   Life, why do we tend to complicate you so?  As humans we want to make sense of everything.  Sometimes its best to be left in the dark about things, right? because then we just cloud our aura. Am I in like or am I in love?  ... Do I look fat in these jeans? ... Why aren't I successful?  blah blah blah.  We all have the God given ability to be the best ME we can be.  We need to succeed in our self, before we venture off into this world.  Know who you are and what you're all about.  This world will chew you up and spit you out if you allow it.  If you made your bed, sleep in it.  Own your mistakes and learn from them.  Do not keep repeating the same routine expecting a different outcome; that's insanity!  If your going to give in to lust OWN IT and enjoy it.  There may be guilt to deal with after; but you already knew that going in.  Guilt reminds us that we are human.  It's good to feel. Just don't suppress it, ask for forgiveness.  OWN IT.  
   Look around at all the things you have.  Enjoy them and stop thinking of the things you don't have.  Many people can tell you how to live your life, but only you can live your life.             
             
                   "Everyone wants to tell you how to do it, but they never did it"-unknown- 


   Like and Love-"L" words.  It's easy to fall for something new.  Just remember to tread carefully and never  press the issue of like or love.  It'll come.  Stop thinking about how you look.If you feel good, then naturally you look good.  You have no one to impress but yourself.  Success comes to all of us.  Just remember that no amount of success can compensate for failure at home.  Home is where the heart is.  Even though you may not be doing what you love, OWN IT.  We don't do what we want, we do what we have to.  Find enjoyment in what you do.  Example: I don't like my job, but I truly enjoy the people I work with.  Put your heart into everything you do and great things will come... and always remember to smile, it's contagious.     =^ ).

"Men face reality. Women don't. That's why men need to drink."

I have been watching a show on HBO called "Bored to Death".  The title for this Blog came from that show. I love it. The humor reminds me of the shenanigans me and my friends use to get into.
    Lately I have been feeling like the Titan Atlas; the world seems to be resting on my shoulders.  My family has been hit with many trials and tribulations.  Just this past year I have made too many trips to the hospital ER than I'd like to keep track of.  I work, go to the grocery store, come home then cook an awesome dinner ( I love to cook).  Then it starts all over again with really no ME time.  Then I have four older sisters that each have at least 4 kids to them. Each one depends on me in some way or another.  16 years ago our rock (my father) passed away.   I became the rock at the age of 15.  I hardened my heart to many emotions, and found my strength in my family.  My niece needs help with home work, I'm there.  A guy was annoying another I was there to check that runt; you know the basic things an uncle does and more.  I would come over and cook dinner for my sister and her family at times, because she'd be too stressed out to give the kids a home cooked meal.  My other sister, I would just be there for her.  Call her on the phone and let her vent about her day, and we'd talk about dad and the good ol' days.  My 3rd sister is 6yrs older than me and she's a strong one too, but she holds in too much.  With her when I see her I grab her pull her close and hug her.  I bury her head into my chest and I caress the back of her head with my hand.  I tell her she's a great mother , wife, woman and that dad is proud of her.  She's the one that was changing dads diapers and stuff when the cancer hit.  I was a kid and in denial that Superman was dying b4 my eyes.  So I avoided watching my father die.  I refused to watch him die.  My sister didn't though.  She helped mom.  The eldest two (twin) sisters had already moved out of the nest by then.  So yeah, at the funeral I heard my dad tell me, "no me llores (don't cry), sea fuerte (be strong)".  And I was/am.  I became the rock.  I took the load off of them.  I know how to deal with stress/life.  I'll dabble in some art, get lost in a book, or drink it up with the cousins.  I know life is tough and it's gonna beat us up and knock us down.  We just have to remember it's not how we fall, but it's how we get up that matters.  
    So I  know it sounds stupid to say this but that show connects with me.   For 26minutes an episode It makes me smile cheek to cheek and laugh.  In the end that's all we need, right?

You've got to hide your love away.

It's when feelings get involved that people start getting hurt.  What's going on folks?  Why on earth would you order mashed potatoes if you don't want mashed potatoes????  I mean we all enjoy a side dish here and there, but c'mon get with it.  It's just a side dish. Every now and again some of us in a relationship tend to look into a side dish.  But one must understand that there are rules to follow.  These rules apply to the male and female.

1. Once its no longer fun- move on
2. Once you find yourself arguing with your side dish- move on
3. Once it gets wierd- move on
4. Once you begin to think you love this person- move on

We humans are creatures of habit.  If you have a main dish then yes its time to move on once the side dish is no longer fun, whats the point?  We argue with our main dish all the time, why would we want to argue with the side dish too?  Wierd is just uncalled for, it falls in line with no longer fun.  The big one is LOVE.  Really peeps? come back to reality.  If you have a side dish then your perception of LOVE is scewed.  Call it LIKE and then its believable.  If you don't have a main dish, then you understand YOU are a side dish.  That means you understand the situation and have to enjoy being a "part time lover". I understand some of us have a work wifey or a work husband...but that's all it is.  The question you need to ask yourself is, "am I willing to leave my main dish for the side dish?" If you answered NO, then enjoy the mashed potatoes for what they are; a side dish.  Yes I know you ladies allow feelings to get in the way...but don't.You begin to think,"what would society(people) think of me?"-who cares what folks think.  Hide your feelings away and do not allow them to cloud your judgement or the excitement of the side dish.  Sex in public restrooms, stairwells, parking structures, park benches, movie theaters, elevators, roof tops, pools, gym sauna, hotels, motels, Holiday Inns......  Keep it spicy and keep it safe-wrap it up!  

The grass is always greener on the other side.  Don't be fooled.  If your gonna play with fire, you're gonna get burned.

It still feels like a dream

It's almost his birthday.  I can still remember his scent, his laugh, his mannerisms.  I remember we would stay up late and listen to Dodger games on this old turntable tuner radio.  Jaime Jarin calling the game in Spanish play by play.  The slight hum of static that the AM frequency would give off  would soothe me to sleep in his comforting arms.  I remember laying on the couch with him watching AAA Lucha Libre on TV.  We would always root for Mil Mascaras, Blue Demon, Octagon, and El Santo.  He taught me how to kill a chicken with my bare hands, pluck it, gut it, and cook it.   Cancer took him from me when I was 15yrs old.  I knew him as a father, but not as a man.  I would think back when we would go to the bank and he would always make the teller girls smile. Back then I was too young to understand, but he was flirting with those teller girls -LOL-.  I always wondered if I was anything like him; I'm thinking I am :^ )  . Recently I was given some black and white photos of him when he was in his mid 20's.  In one photo he is standing next to this beautiful black 57 chevy.  I flip it over and there is his handwriting on it.  The photo was for his sister and in Spanish it read, "here's a picture of me, tell my folks I am doing well and sorry I can't be with you.  But don't I look handsome as usual in this picture?"- WHOA!   I had sent my aunt (his sister) a picture of me and on the back I wrote don't I look handsome as usual in this picture? LOL.....  I miss my dad.  Before I would leave for school I would always walk into my parents room.  I would hug and kiss my mom good by, and then I'd walk over to his side, hug and kiss him.... but on one of those occasions before I walked out of the room, my dad called my name and said,"I love you"...I replied with, "me too".  Me frikken too.  I was too immature to say back to him...  I say it everyday now.  It still feels like a dream.  Every time I visit my mom I walk into their bedroom and I slowly open the door hoping to see him in there.

Chivalry is dead; because Women killed it

Women what's going on? Just when I think I have you all figured out you throw me a curve ball.  Last night I was pumping gas at my local 76 station and this black Honda accord pulls in next to me.  The car door opens a  P.Y.T. gets out.  I mean yeah she caught my eye that I had to do a double take.  So I'm standing outside my car whistling Christmas songs minding my own business when I realized that the P.Y.T. had finished pumping her gas.  She had left her gas cap on the gas pump and her fuel door was open.  She was about to speed away when i ran up to her window and gently knocked on it.  She rolls down the window halfway and I can see she is wearing the biggest poochie-la face and says, "I have a boy friend".... I continue with "really you struck me as a lesbian, but that's not why I stopped you.  You left your gas cap on the pump and your fuel door is open".  I walked over and placed the items as they should be.  I walked up to her and said, " I wasn't trying to pickup on you". She just rolled her eyes and sped off......    Wow I thought to myself-no thank you.  Ok sure a chick like that prob. does get hitup pretty frequently, but I was just trying to help.    Once upon a time a friend of mine from work joined my buddy and myself for lunch.  Upon entry of the establishment I held the door open for her and I noticed that she casually placed her hand on the door, barley touching it.  My buddy didn't notice, but I did.  I thought to myself-She touched the door as to gesture that I didn't open it for her-.  For the first part of our meal I didn't bring the subject up. Once we began to enjoy our beverages I ripped into her.   "I saw what you did when i opened the door for you" I said, She replied with a smirk and then,"I know I know, I just can't allow a guy to open the door for me"....WTF I laughed aloud and my buddy joined in.  To this day we slam doors in her face or go out of our way -to not open the door for her -LOL-  We're great friends and she knows we mean well.  This last story my buddy told me- he was about to walk into our work building and he noticed a lady about to walk out.  He grabbed the door and held it open for her.  As she walked by him she said," I can hold my own door open"...WOW.... I asked him if he kicked her in the ovaries, he said no.  He was in shock.   So ladies please allow a man to be a gentleman for you.  Prove me wrong when I say, Chivalry is dead because women killed it.

Screw testing the waters

Hola and hello for you non bilinguals.  I never thought I'd be participating in a blog.  I found it to be vain.  Or just an outlet for those who can't speak for themselves, to write it all down and hope someone understands them.  Well I'm neither vain nor looking for acceptance from anyone....  folks like me because I'm REAL.  At first they're turned off by me because of the way I speak. And those people judge me too quickly-who needs people like that around? not I.  But then they begin to understand that I'm genuine.  I'm like an onion, there are many layers of me to enjoy.  I dont like testing the waters when I meet someone new.  I jump right in with my whitty sarcasm and quick responses. I want to have an awesome dialogue with someone.  Not a boring "hey how was your day", kind of conversation. I'll hit a woman with a quick jab like, "You look very nice today", and I gauge their reaction.... it's simple, but it throws them off track. Most women aren't use to compliments.  If I get a quick "why thank you" response, I know this woman is confident in herself.  Confidence is sexy.  Now if I get a delayed response-its not a bad sign, but if she doesn't make eye contact then I know to tone it back a little and just let her be.  She'll come around, they always do-LOL-... Now the dudes, man the dudes are always sizing me up.  Trying to figure me out-if I'm friend or foe. And I do the same to them, only I'm smooth about it.   I'll talk to their lady friends and out of the corner of my eye I'll  see who's "watching"-gotchta!!  LOL.... aaaaaa   ROOKIES.  Any way once I got it on lock, I try not to offend my bro's.  There's plenty-o-fish in the sea.  Once the dudes realize this they let their guard down and we enjoy the "bromance" that is to come. I'm not tooting my own horn here, and I'm not a know it all.  I just know my role.  "I play chess not checkers".   Life is too short to worry about what others think of you.  remember you can choose who your friends are.   Damn now I feel like ramblin'-I'm not use to this blog stuff.  I have a lot to say, but i shall save it for another day.  Until then if you come across this blog, follow me.  you'll be entertained and you'll gain some knowledge-tell ur friends.